Posts tagged with 'domestic violence'

How to Seek a Divorce & Win in One Easy Step

  • Posted on July 5, 2009 at 10:54 am

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How To Seek A Divorce And Win In One Easy Step

By Susan N. Wolpin

          Recently there has been a good deal of attention focused on spousal assault and/or child abuse. While there is a need for attention into the matter of domestic abuse, there are too many instances where this attention acts to promote abuse of the abuse law itself. In an alarming number of cases false allegations of abuse have become an omnipotent weapon in an impending divorce/separation/custody action.

          How has this come to pass, one might ask? The answer requires a brief historical analysis. In Pennsylvania, the first domestic abuse act was passed on December 6, 1976. The act provided for reporting requirements and police intervention in domestic relations incidents. However, much discretion for enforcement and intervention was left with the police and other agencies. Due to the lobbying efforts of such groups as ‘A Woman’s Place’ the first substantive act was enacted on April 18, 1988. This is the first of the Acts that began to significantly deprive the wrongly accused of personal freedoms and property rights. Most importantly, these deprivations can and do occur without due process of law. The law was further modified in 1989, 1990, 1994, and most recently in March 1995. The current law as we know it was enacted as 23 PA C.S.A. § 6100 et seq. and is known as the PROTECTION FROM ABUSE ACT (PFA). The Act provides for the following remedies: 

  • 1. The accused loses possession and/or is evicted from his home.
  • 2. The accused temporarily loses custody of his children for up to twelve months. Under certain circumstances, custody may be permanently lost for two or more years.
  • 3. The accused is ordered to pay temporary child/spousal support.
  • 4. The accused is prohibited from entering or coming anywhere near the plaintiff’s residence, place of business, school, or family.
  • 5. The accused is to have no further contact with the plaintiff or the plaintiff’s family.
  • 6. The accused is ordered to pay all of the expenses of the plaintiff, including medical bills, moving expenses, loss of earnings, and attorney’s fees.
  • 7. Additionally, the accused is restrained from any further abuse.

While these remedies appear reasonable at first glance, here is the reality in actual practice:

  • 1. The accused is immediately thrown out of the family home without his personal property, clothes, or other necessities. He is often given only twenty minutes (under police supervision) to gather what he can. If served at a location other than that home, the accused can be virtually left with no clothing, toiletries, or money.
  • 2. The accused loses all or most of his valuables and treasured personal property.
  • 3. The accused is denied access to his financial records and documents. These papers are often taken by the plaintiff to her attorney for use in the support/divorce action.
  • 4. If there is a joint bank account, the accused often loses access to any assets in this account.
  • 5. The accused loses possession of the family home, probably permanently. The accused is usually thrown out of the house for up to ten days while awaiting a hearing before the Judge. This is more than enough time for the plaintiff to move, transfer, and/or distribute the accused’s personal property. In addition, the plaintiff is in a position to destroy the home, if so inclined. The displaced accused remains responsible for all the liabilities connected with the property.
  • 6. The accused loses all custody of his children in all but the most exceptional cases. Most often, the accused is denied visitation with the children, either legally, or in practice through the conduct of the plaintiff.
  • 7. If and when a formal custody proceeding is commenced, the accused is often reduced to supervised visitation with his children.
  • 8. Despite being denied access to his children, the accused will be ordered to pay spousal/child support. The amount of this support may be assessed with no regard to the support guidelines, or the party’s ability to pay. Failure to pay child support will lead to incarceration.
  • 9. The accused will be expected to avoid the plaintiff at all costs. If the accused as much as passes the plaintiff on the street, a possible charge and conviction of stalking may follow.
  • 10. There will be no provision for the possibility of reconciliation between the parties, even though the Pennsylvania Divorce Code clearly claims that the policy of the Commonwealth is to “Encourage and effect reconciliation and settlement of differences between spouses, especially where children are involved.” A PFA order, prohibiting any further contact or communication ensures that a reconciliation may not even be discussed.
  • 11. For all of these benefits and privileges, the accused can then be ordered to pay all of the plaintiff’s fees and expenses. Attorney fees alone can potentially exceed $3000.

        A typical PFA order is often sought when the Common Pleas courts are closed. A temporary Order may be granted by a District Justice at an ex-parte hearing, after an initial interview with and coaching of the plaintiff by volunteers from ‘A Woman’s Place’.

        The District Justice is only permitted to grant a temporary order if he/she feels that the plaintiff is in “immediate and present danger to (herself) or minor children.” This is a factual conclusion which must be based on the representations of the plaintiff, with preparation from a member of the staff of ‘A Woman’s Place’. Despite this statutory requirement, emergency orders are awarded as easily as widgets rolling off an assembly line.

total destruction of wrongly accused 

By law, within 10 days a hearing must be held in Common Pleas Court. The accused has been out of the house for that period. His expectancy is that this nightmare is coming to an end. By now he is probably desperate for a hug from his children. But the converse is too often true.

Typically, the accused will be appointed an overburdened pro bono attorney, who will, in most cases, try to pressure the accused into signing an agreement for Final Order by Consent without a hearing. Far too often, men will comply with this after being told “This in not an admission of guilt.” “You don’t want to see her anyway.” “It’s just easier this way. It won’t change anything for you.” The accused is promised almost anything, including the chance at reconciliation, if desired. Just to compel the signing of this document. This agreement will haunt you! It will be used by the plaintiff in any impending action. The agreement is often taken as an admission of guilt, despite the language it contains.  

YOU ARE NOW BRANDED AN ABUSER.

If you refuse to sign the agreement, the case will be heard by the Judge. At this point, you have a chance to try and present your defense.

Good Luck!!

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 The PFA statute is located at 23 PA C.S.A. § 6100 et seq. Here are a few of the provisions of that statute:

1. The plaintiff may be accompanied by her counsel, and a counselor from ‘A Woman’s Place’. Her attorney is obtained from Bucks County Legal Aid, through ‘A Woman’s Place’. The counselor is permitted to coach the plaintiff’s answers. Oftentimes, the plaintiff is coached to misstate the facts, or to create facts in order to prevail. In the meantime, in Bucks County, the accuseds are represented by a single overburdened attorney acting on behalf of the Bucks County Bar Association, with rules and restraints established by Bucks County Legal Aid. This poor soul often has as many as 50-100 accuseds per day, with seconds for each.

2. The plaintiff may introduce and utilize documents and materials the accused has never before seen. Additionally, the authors and creators of these documents need not be present for cross-examination. The documents need not be authenticated nor shown to be reliable.

3. The standard of proof at these hearings is the “preponderance of evidence.” This means that the discretion remains with the Judge to grant or refuse the Order, based on hearsay or other improper evidence.

4. The plaintiff may then be permitted to relocate with the children to an unknown location. This location MAY NOT be revealed under any circumstances.

5. A Final Order may last as long as one year. However, this period may be extended with no limitations. An extension may be prompted by the plaintiff if she chooses to file further false allegations.

6. Contempt of the Order looms ever in the background. And she doesn’t even need to call the police to charge you. If an Officer sees you near her, her home or even your children, the law gives him the right to arrest you for violating the order. Of course, she may still call the police if she comes up with other ‘evidence’ of a violation.

So, how does this affect divorce? The answer should be obvious. In a divorce, the key issues are often custody, support, and equitable distribution. Under a PFA action, these issues are resolved upon the granting of the final order. While the remedies granted under a PFA are expected to be temporary, the reality is a very different matter. Once a PFA has been granted, the accused, rightly or wrongly, is branded an abuser. The accused will find it difficult to seek relief from the Family Courts at any further point in the system. All other issues will be colored by the plaintiff pointing to the PFA and yelling that this is an abusive man!

With the access of the plaintiff to all of the personal property for the duration of the PFA, the accused has already lost at equitable distribution. Much of the time, the marital estate has been decimated. If an injunction preventing transfer, distribution, or disposition of the marital property remaining in the house is sought, a Family Court Judge will often refuse to grant this. The Judge, to the contrary, can order the accused to turn over any and all liquid assets to the plaintiff or her attorney. This leaves the accused in a position whereby he cannot afford legal counsel to further defend himself.

Among the standards in custody is the nature and extent of alleged abuse in the household. If the plaintiff uses the final order, and she will, during a custody action, the accused may lose all custody, as well. Custody may be further impaired if the plaintiff can scheme to find the accused in contempt of the order.

Additionally, it is not uncommon for the accused to be denied access to his children for months at a time. A final hearing on custody can be repeatedly continued by the plaintiff which can have the effect of continuing the PFA. Also, we have heard, that some volunteers from ‘A Woman’s Place’ advise their clients not to comply with any order that grants custody or visitation to the accused.

Permanent child support will be determined according to the State Guidelines. However, if the abuse issue is presented to the accused’s workplace, he may lose his job, as well. Support will then be determined by what is termed an “earning capacity.” This is the standard which is used when it is alleged that the defendant has wilfully terminated his employment to avoid payment of support. Of course, the accused has been separated from his financial records, and is unable to report his income and expenses.

PFA has become the most employed tool in divorce and custody actions. One simply alleges a false claim of abuse and the accused loses the entire matter. The plaintiff/accuser walks away completely victorious. The number of false abuse claims is ever rising. There are no statistics showing the number of truly founded abuse claims, but it has been reported that nationally the number of false claims is about 56% and growing.

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Take One Step: A PBS Health Campaign

  • Posted on June 30, 2009 at 6:25 am

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DEPRESSION: Out of the Shadows

Logopic_10

A lot of Americans are keeping an important, possibly deadly secret.

  

The National Institute of Mental Health reports that approximately 18.8 million American adults have a depressive disorder. The disease is not discriminating, seeping into all age, race, gender, and socioeconomic groups. Depression stalls careers, strains relationships, and sometimes ends lives.

So if this many people are living with the disease, why the silence? DEPRESSION: Out of the Shadows is a multi-dimensional PBS project that explores the disease’s complex terrain, offering a comprehensive and timely examination of this devastating disorder.

By weaving together the science and treatment of depression with intimate portrayals offind_support_u_need families and individuals coping with its wide-ranging effects, the film raises awareness and eliminates the stigma surrounding this prevalent disease, underscoring the fact that whether we are battling it in our families, our workplaces, or in our own minds, depression touches everyone. 

Through the voices and stories of people living with depression, the film provides a portrait of the disease never before seen on American television. Along with consumers, DEPRESSION: Out of the Shadows also follows acclaimed scientists as they describe the latest neurological research and groundbreaking new treatments for depression. 

Following the film, broadcast journalist Jane Pauley will host a 30-minute roundtable discussion titled TAKE ONE STEP: Caring for Depression, with Jane Pauley in which nationally acclaimed experts will offer advice on recognizing and treating depression.In addition to the broadcast and online presence, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the YMCA of the USA will implement an outreach campaign, educating about depression in communities across the United States.

All of the DEPRESSION: Out of the Shadows resources combine to powerfully raise awareness, eliminate stigma, and get help. 

  

Understanding & Managing Depression

 Did you know kids can experience depression?

Childhood is a carefree time, right? Unfortunately, this isn’t true for all kids. About 2% of school-age children appear to have major depression at any one time. Depression in preschoolers is rare, but does occur.

Childhood depression is caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, environment and adverse life stresses. But the good news is that children are surprisingly resilient, and the disorder is treatable in many kids. Medication and/or talk therapy is usually effective; consulting with a pediatrician, school counselor or social worker, or educator are good first steps to finding child-centered mental health care in your community. Take one step. It’s never too late. 

Did you know that depression isn’t just “all in your head?”It's not _All in your head

Recent scientific research has irrefutably established that depression is a medical illness. It is not a sign of personal weakness, and it cannot be willed or “wished away” any more effectively than, say, non-treated cancer or diabetes. Depression is also known to weaken the immune system, making the body more susceptible to other medical illnesses. But despite depression’s clear biological roots, people living with the disease have often been the victims of blame and societal prejudice. Ongoing research and solid scientific findings are beginning to shed light on depression, clearing up misinformation and slowly reducing stigma.

Did you know there are many potential causes of depression?

Although there is no single, definitive answer to the question of cause, many factors – psychological, biological, environmental and genetic – likely contribute to the development of depression. Causes can occur in any combination, and can include genetic influences (such as family history of the disease); biochemical factors (such as hormonal fluctuations or chemical imbalance); psychological challenges (such as social anxiety and stress), and trauma (such as suffering the loss of a loved one or enduring a violent crime).

Did you know depression is a treatable disease?

Depression is one of the most treatable illnesses, with 80-90% of people who seek treatment finding relief. Many experts suggest using both psychotherapy and medications to treat depression. Other options include psychosocial treatments (such as family education and support groups); electroconvulsive therapy (for severe depression which does not respond to other treatments); and self-care (involving elements such as healthy diet, regular exercise, spirituality and social connection). The challenging news about treating depression is that most people experiencing the disorder never seek help. Approximately 80% of people with depressive disorders go untreated.

Did you know women experience depression more frequently than men? womens_mental_health_2

Depression can develop in anyone, regardless of race, culture, social class, age, or gender. However, across virtually all cultures and socioeconomic classes, women are more likely than men are to experience depression. Clinical depression affects two to three times as many women as men, both in the U.S. and worldwide; an estimated one out of every eight women will experience clinical depression in her lifetime. So why do so many women battle depression? Hormonal changes may play a role, with female depression often emerging at puberty and remaining high throughout the childbearing years. Psychosocial factors that may contribute to women’s increased vulnerability to depression include the stress of multiple work and family responsibilities, sexual discrimination, lack of social supports, traumatic life experiences, and poverty. Studies also indicate that sexual and physical abuses are major risk factors for depression.

 

 

Take one step: Health Knowledge is Power!

Logopic_06In the dark when it comes to health information? You’re not alone. According to a recent Institute of Medicine report, nearly half of all American adults have trouble figuring out medical forms, and even have difficulty understanding their doctor’s instructions!

But you can arm yourself with knowledge. Communicate with your health provider, seek out trustworthy resources on the Web and from credible toll-free information hotlines. Ask questions and listen. These small steps can help you become a more savvy health consumer.

So take one step, starting with these fast facts about taking charge of your health.

   

Print and Online Resources

Depression Fact Sheet Depression affects approximately 15 million American adults every year. Learn about the symptoms and basic treatments for this very treatable condition. English version (PDF, 748k) Spanish version (PDF, 796k)

Depression Statistics Because of depression’s stigma, many people are unaware of how common it is; read the statistics on the disease’s wide reach. English version (PDF, 644k) Spanish version (PDF, 776k)

Depression in Children While rare, childhood depression does exist. Explore its specific symptoms and methods for finding pediatric treatment. English version (PDF, 636k) Spanish version (PDF, 772k)

Depression in Teens and College-Age Students Incidences of depression increase during the teen years. Find out more about its contributing factors and strategies for seeking relief. English version (PDF, 636k) Spanish version (PDF, 772k)

Depression in Older Adults Depression often goes undiagnosed in older people. Learn about potential causes, symptoms and treatments for people suffering depressive disorders later in life. English version (PDF, 736k) Spanish version (PDF, 748k)

Depression in Women Women are twice as likely as men to experience depression. Learn more about possible causes and treatments for female depression. English version (PDF, 636k) Spanish version (PDF, 772k)

Depression in Communities of Color The Surgeon General reports people of color, both adults and children, are less likely than their white counterparts to receive needed mental health care. Find out why, and explore ways to connect all people with the help they need. English version (PDF, 636k) Spanish version (PDF, 772k)

Depression Web Links These revered organizations offer effective starting points when seeking information about depression or related disorders. For advice about specific treatment or medication, always consult a physician and/or mental health professional. 

Source: PBS.org; DEPRESSION: Out of the Shadows;
  
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About Tiffi

  • Posted on June 26, 2009 at 3:24 am

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~ I once was lost and now I’m found ~ Most of my life I didn’t even really know who I was. I am very thankful to finally be on the path to finding my purpose. Also, I am grateful to have found a wonderful man, Thomas, who wants to share his life with me just as much as I do with him. S8300281

Together, we are starting a new non-profit organization to help people who have found themselves victims of a falsley filed pfa order. Right now there is not enough support for those individuals who were accused of committing an act of domestic violence and all of their rights have been taken away. People need to understand that filing a PFA (Protection From Abuse) is not a joke. The PFA Act was put in place to help victims of domestic violence and not for those who intentionally abuse the law out of greed or self-interrest. We need to stop those individuals who are abusing these laws that were put in place only to protect the innocent.

I have 4 beautiful daughters that I Love Very Much. I wish I could see them every day of my life.

I really want you girls to know how much I love you & NEVER chose to be away from you.

Bryanna, Kayla, Sierra, & Savannah

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND MISS YOU ALL DEARLY!

I will see you soon!!!

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The Day My World Crashed Down

  • Posted on June 20, 2009 at 2:57 pm

The events that happened on this evening, were a direct result

 of prior events in my blogpostIs This a Sticky Situation.”

  

“I felt like my whole world came crashing down when I became

aware that my husband took our children. I had just told them

I would see them after I was out of the shower

(as I can still hear Kayla & Sierra saying “OK Mommy”

as they ran up the steps behind me).”

  

“Without my knowledge or permission, my soon-to-be ex-husband,  

felt as though he could play the role of God and make the decision to remove my children from my custody.”

That cold-hearted man even went as far as to take them immediately

upon my return home from jail (where he put me & I sat in my own urine

for what could possibly be 6 hours).” 

 

“My husband took the only living breathing beings that I Love, unconditionally,

and love me the same in return.  He ripped my own seedlings out from 

 underneath my wing, without as much as a warning.”

 

“And to add insult to injury, he didn’t so much as to allow me

 to see, say good-bye, or to even hug my (then)

18 month old baby Savannah.”

 

These are the words that trickled out of my mouth as I lay curled up in my bed, drowning in what some would call

 my own self-inflicted misery,during one of the last days I lived in my upper middle-class suburban family home. Some may call it “self-inflicted,” others like myself, would consider it “a set-up.”

See Article: How to Seek a Divorce and Win in One Easy Step

This Document can mostly explain what happened to me when my husband took a “pro-active approach”

in making sure his status in this divorce (still pending as of June 30, 2009) was positively in his favor.

Events above occured October 27, 2008
Read My Prayer June 30, 2009
Dear Lord, It's me Tiffi!
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No Source because This is my life

Poverty in Haiti: The Cause of Child Slavery

  • Posted on June 13, 2009 at 11:20 am

Haitian Wives Discuss Domestic Violence

  • Posted on June 13, 2009 at 10:52 am

Is This A sticky Situation…

  • Posted on June 3, 2009 at 11:13 am

…Or What ???

 

See First part of this series

View Second part of this series


Not all of you know this but I was evicted from my own home due to a false Protection From Abuse (PFA-restraining order) order that was filed against my by my soon-to-be ex-husband. Falsly accussed of abusing HIM… Ha!

Now, as a result of a “currently withdrawn” PFA, I am a Work-at-Home Mom without two of the three things that are basically required for having that title…

My Children and My Home!

I would like to now quote a few things from a police report that was filed the day my husband was arrested for domestic violence in January of 2004.

“I was dispatched to the address in question. I was met by the victim, Tiffany. She stated that she just had an argument with her husband regarding possible adultery.”

– This was the statement that the police officer made after being dispatched to my upper-middle class suburban residence in January of 2004. My husband accused my of committing adultery. After denying and explaining my case, my husband did not believe. He then felt it was necessary to use physical force against me and show me “who is the man” in our relationship.

“Tiffany said that a fight ensued and her husband pushed her to the ground. While on the ground, her husband slapped her three times to the left side of her face with an open right hand.”

– This was the first time that my husband used physical force against me but it wasn’t going to be the last…

“Tiffany did have visible redness and swelling to the left side of her face. Tiffany also a small cut below her nose on the left side of her face. I checked the room where the assault occurred. There was furniture and other items thrown all around the room. It was apparent that some type of struggle took place in the bedroom. ”

– Given the visible abusive struggle, there was only a short round of discussion before the police asked me if I would testify in court had they arrested him. I immediately said yes because I have no place for that shit in my life.

“I spoke to the abuser at the house. He stated that he did have an argument with Tiffany and admitted to hitting her in the face. He said that Tiffany hit him first and he was only trying to protect himself. The abuser did have a small cut below his right eye. There were no other visible injuries.”

– Although I said yes to having him arrested on this cold winters day of January 2004, during 4 other occurrences where the police were dispatched to my house in the past 5 years, I would never again say yes again. But Why?

Now let me quote a little something from my journal that was written in June of 2008 (yes, just last year)…

“I HAVE DEPRESSIVE EPISODES REGULARLY & MORE OFTEN IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS. I CAN’T TELL WHEN AN EPISODE WILL OCCUR. DEPRESSIVE EPISODES MAKE ME CRY ALL THE TIME, FEEL HOPELESS, WORTHLESS, & EMPTY INSIDE. I CAN’T EAT, SLEEP, MAKE DECISIONS, CONCENTRATE OR REMEMBER MUCH AT ALL.”

Over the years, the emotional, psychological, and physical abuse that I received by my husband should be considered absolutely intolerable.

The unmistakenly upsetting FACT about all this is

Absolutely NOTHING can be done because I was

–Accused of abuse — Not Convicted — merely Accused–

But none-the-less

Everything I’ve ever known to be a part of my life

Was ripped away from me within 24 Hours!

This is Part Three of this Series

See next part in the series

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NAMI & House Partner Up To Raise Money

  • Posted on June 3, 2009 at 7:26 am

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Emotional Abuse Is Psychological Abuse

  • Posted on May 27, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Destroyer of Confidence, Creativity, and Ultimately…

Individuality

 

Psychological Abuse,

“Messing with your Mind,”

Is one of the Most Lethal

Forms of abuse.

If you think that you may be in an abusive relationship, or if you know someone who may be,

This information could be helpful in explaining exactly

HOW women can continue to revolve in a cycle of abuse.

 

Are you Depressed? Find out here…

  • Posted on May 26, 2009 at 8:38 am

 

SYMPTOMS OF MAJOR DEPRESSION
 
 

Depression symptoms can vary greatly because different people experience depression in different ways. A 25-year-old man with depression may not have the same symptoms as a 70-year-old man, for instance.

For some people, depression symptoms are so severe that it’s obvious something isn’t right. Others may feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why.

 

Find Out if You Have Symptoms of Depression:

Take the Depression Self-Assessment Test


 

Symptoms of depression include:

?Loss of interest in normal daily activities

?Feeling sad or down

?Feeling hopeless

?Crying spells for no apparent reason

?Problems sleeping

?Trouble focusing or concentrating

?Difficulty making decisions

?Unintentional weight gain or loss

?Irritability

?Restlessness

?Being easily annoyed

?Feeling fatigued or weak

?Feeling worthless

?Loss of interest in sex

?Thoughts of suicide or suicidal behavior

?Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

 

The Mayo Clinic defines Depression as one of the most common health conditions in the world.

Depression isn’t a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply “snap out of.”

Depression, formally called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, is a medical illness that involves the mind and body. It affects how you think and behave and can cause a variety of emotional and physical problems.

You may not be able to go about your usual daily activities, and depression may make you feel as if life just isn’t worth living anymore.

If you feel that way… there is help!

Social support: Tap this tool to reduce stress

Also

See the Mayo Clinic’s Depression Blog with Mayo Clinic psychiatrist Gabrielle J. Melin, M.D. including:

 

Need more help?

 


? National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

? Go to the nearest hospital or emergency room

? Call your physician, health provider or clergy

? National Alliance on Mental Illness

 

1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

 

www.nami.org

Sources: www.mayoclinic.com/ –> Retrieved May 26, 2009

 

 

 

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