Is it okay to say, you’re not okay?
I’m still trying to figure out why people ask “how are you” when they don’t always want to hear the true answer? Daily, people ask one another how they feel or how life is going but when the person comes back and says “not so good” too many people tend to back off and/or hesitate asking what the problem is and quickly resort to a phrase where they don’t even have to get involved such as “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I hope things get better for you.” Why is it that not many ask “is there anything I can do?”
There is a boat load of reasons why someone wouldn’t offer their help or support. Maybe they are afraid that the person will ask too much of them. Maybe they have too much going on and don’t have the time or can’t handle all the issues they have on their own to stop and help another person. Maybe they assume that it would be too stressful or even maybe they assume that there is nothing they can do to help. Maybe, maybe, maybe… but did you ask?
There are a lot of people, I’ve noticed, that don’t even discuss their issues with others because they feel too independent to ask and some feel they have asked for help so often in the past that no one will think to help them again. The one thing I don’t understand is why is it that when someone does finally admit that they can’t handle things on their own and they ask for help, too many people try and avoid the issue and/or keep their distance.
Too many people are so wrapped so tightly in themselves, trying to deal with their own shit that they don’t even consider helping anyone else. Did anyone ever think, if they put their own issues to the side for a moment and give a person a shoulder to cry on and help them with the details of their issues, then just MAYBE that would be all they need? A good friend will listen to anything and everything you say but sometimes try to distract your mind with things that they went through just to say “it could be worse.” Come on now… nobody wants to hear “it could be worse” when they are currently going through it!
After openly talking about what your dealing with, have you ever heard the phrase “I never been through that before, I don’t know what to tell you” or “that happened to me before but just not like that?” I’ve heard things like this all too much in my life! This is why most people just end up saying “I’m fine” when they are asked how they are. I should know cause I used to have to go to work and try not to cry or say too much about my issues at home even though people definitely notice that I was not okay and dying inside just to tell someone what life was like for me once I got home. Eventually, I stopped saying I’m fine all the time because it was apparently obvious that I was not!
It just doesn’t seem right that people have to put a mask on in front of others. Saying your fine when your not is only lying to yourself also. It’s only been a few years now, that I’ve been telling people how I really feel. Not expressively speaking my true feelings on things was just eating me alive inside! Ya know, people can potentially go crazy from having too much on their mind and no ways to vent. Watch out! When I hold too much back for too long, the words that usually come out of my mouth, at times can cut like a knife ~(-:{ Ask any of my closest friends and relatives.
What kind of world are we living in where someone in need has to hide their true feelings because they are too afraid to ask for support? I’m not even taking financial support into consideration!!
What about those of us who quit asking for help a long time ago but really do need it still? Is it too much to ask for someone we care about to OFFER their help as opposed being forced to feel weaker by admitting they need help? What about the people who barely asked for anything their whole life that feel they have only ever been a burden to those they thought truly cared?
Is it really okay to say you’re not okay?
I’m still unsure if society thinks it’s okay, but I do know one thing…
I’ve already made the decision to never again say I’m okay when I’m not because for me, it’s self-destructive, leaves me lonely, and does not resolve a thing!!!
So, with that said… how do you feel?
You are so awesome Tiffi!!! Your blog is the highlight of my day. If more people felt like you and I, the world would be a much nicer place. Hugz to you sista!
Hi Tiff,
I sure have asked those same quetions in these last couple of years..Some of those questions I found answers to in the bible.Te more I read, the more clarity I recieved.NOT tat I’m a bible thumper..
Althoug, I am begining to realize that if I had followed the words instead of taking a rebellious stand as a teen,I wouldn’t be in the situation I have found myself in.I have lived my life believing that God would guide me.I am now basically in the situation that I wanted to be for years.Problem is,I have developed some flaws that I don’t believe I will be strongh enough to overcome.Tey are basically ones tat are quite well put forth in te bible.Like, one shouldn’t harm our bodies in anyway because they are our temples..Well, what if you’re a smoker?knowing that it is a sin to smoke,are you thumbing your nose at God because you smoke or, is each individual cigarette considered a seperate sin??Anyone that i have talked with in mental health field say, don’t worry about that right now.You have too many stresses to give it up right now..Well, maybe I do, maybe I don’t..cause part of what is stressing me out is, what sins are forgiven and, which are held against you until you refrain from them.IF a person were to follow all tat’s explained in the bible, we’d al be living like the amish or menonites.(which is secretly why I really enjoyed working as a heiritage interpreter at King’s Landing)i’m so trying to bring up these kids with a good solid base belief in God.Yet, as I go, I find I am a bit of a hipacrit…A sign of the times I guess.So, it tells you to leave your stresses with God and be not lead into temptation..Leaves you shaking your head..Cause all sins are supposedly forgiven if you believe and confess them to him.Yet, if I get too critical on the kids,I’ll drive them to rebellion too.Kinda why when someone asks me how I’m doing..I just say getting by..Hence why I’ve be come such a hermit, lone wolf.My half sister who, i met years back now(I was adopted and brought up as an only child)says that in her religious views..”I plan to commute because I will have friends in both places”The only thing tat I am sure of is that organic remadies are the way to go.AND yes,going “green” is the way to go.everything started to go to “hell in a handbag” when the industrial revolution occured.It’s polluted the planet and built human nature into a greed feeding machine.scarey but,it will be made right eventually.
I certainly do not want to cause a dispute about peoples beliefs(or insult anyone’s beliefs).I believe that all faiths are required for the world’s prophicies to come to pass.Cause there are more tan one side to every story.What if we are all coming to te same end but, have different teachings to get there.I think we all need to get back into harmony with the planet.The commonality is Love, Peace, and respect for fellow mankind.Let’s hope and see if it will actually come to pass.It’s so hard to hang on.But, it wil happen in our creator’s time not ours…Bless you and all of your friends and families who may read this.Let’s not get so hung up on the details that we loose sight of the big picture….loves to all!!